Great opening line for two girls in a bar, right? Not so much for the guy you're seeing and his friend, Steve or John or Frank (I honestly have no clue what his name was).
So, to set the scene, senior year of high school. I was trolling the MySpace world for, I'll say it, sexy young boys. That's right, I had not given up after the first time. Ever resilient and optimistic, and a touch stupid. So, I come across a cute face and send it a message (PS I'm very charming over typing). My supreme charm wins me a date after school only a few days later (like I said, charming).
We meet at a grocery store (red flag #1). He's straight edge, because at that point it was still hip to call yourself straight edge when you didn't do anything that you weren't legally allowed to do anyway. Which was cool because I didn't do any of those things either. So we're standing by my car and... I'm trying desperately to remember what happens after this, but I swear this insignificant little prick has left few things of value in my head.
I drove, his license was suspended (red flag #2). But he was good looking and he said all of the right things (a trait I'm realizing a lot of guys posses in excess). I drove us to my grandparent's house, where I had been living while my parents were building our new house. No one was home yet so we hung out in the guest house where my parents were living. I wanted to show him the wonders of yerba matte, because everyone should experience it (seriously, go buy some, so good! Magical mint in my favorite. Much nicer than coffee breath, believe me). So, we were in the tiny kitchen in the house built for midgets where my head almost hit the ceiling. And somehow the matte turned us on so much (it's been known to happen) that we're making out against the counter. And it was glorious! I had never kissed a boy I actually liked before! And let me tell you, it makes a huge difference!
And, of course, being so close to the matte, and still being so very much turned on by it, other things began to happen, each feeling as magical as the last.
Things I learned on that first date:
1) chapstick is not overrated
2) bras are silly
3) fingers are magic (take from that what you will)
4) first date feelings can never be trusted
Chapter Two: Shit.
So, I was so excited to tell my best friend, Felicia, all about this guy.
Things I learned from thinking friends can be trusted:
1) they can't.
Apparently, which I did not know, Brandon (real name, because he isn't good enough for a fake one) had been seeing a girl I went to school with, a girl Felicia was also friends with, a girl I had an acquaintance with. This, I did not know. So, my awesome BFF takes her side in a fight I didn't know existed. Now the whole school knows I hadn't kissed a boy until my senior year, that I was a virgin, and probably a few other things that I still don't know about. I've never really had good luck with friends.
Devastated.
Don't worry. I'll get to the boy kissing next time.
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